12: Put Your Faith In a Loud Guitar (Caveman King)

Samantha Ross was tired.

Acid Magnet had been running auditions for a new lead guitar all day, and so far had no strong contenders. Sam had been up all day, she was feeling cramped by Alejandro's garage, and she'd definitely heard too many mediocre guitarists. “Who's next?” she grumbled.

Zoe Kenfield checked the list, then looked nervously at Sam. “Kevin Kingsley.”

Sam went from tired to angry in half a second. “Not him.”

Alejandro Calderon spoke up. “Sam, we need somebody. We don't know when Neil's coming back, if he does at all.”

“Not. Him.”

“Let's give him a chance,” Zoe pleaded. “We're running out of time before our next gig.”

Sam turned to the bassist, Sierra Harper, who only shrugged. “Fine,” Sam said in defeat. “But the first time he says 'bitches,' we kick his ass out.”

“Come on in!” Zoe called, and the man who walked in could only be a hair metal tribute...or parody. Wild hair tied with a leopard-print bandana, tight jeans with random holes, snakeskin boots, and a black leather vest with no shirt. He had a tattoo on one arm of a tyrannosaurus with huge, muscular arms; on the other, a brontosaurus in a cowboy hat.

“Name?” Zoe asked.

“Everyone knows the Caveman King,” he said.

Samantha fought the urge to be sick. “Don't you have your own band?” she asked—rhetorically, of course; Acid Magnet and Tyrannosaurus Flex had competed at countless shows over the last two years.

Kevin put a hand on his brontosaurus tattoo. “We lost Buster in the alien invasion three months ago. Decided to break it off.”

“I...I didn't know. I'm sorry.”

“It's cool. Mind if we get to it? Sonja needs her beauty sleep.” Kevin unslung his guitar; a red-and-silver Gibson Flying V.

“Go ahead,” Samantha said. Anything to get this over with faster, she thought. The last thing my band needs is his trash metal bullshit.

“Saw this in a movie once,” he said as he tuned his guitar. Sam rolled her eyes...until Kevin started playing.

“Is that...” Sam whispered.

“Paganini,” Alejandro replied. “Caprice Number Five.”

Kevin's fingers flew along the neck of the guitar with blinding speed and pinpoint accuracy. Every note was crisp and clean...and according to Sam's ears, he didn't miss a single one.

When he had finished, Sierra--of all people--was the first to speak. “Damn.”

“Third in my class at the Bachand Institute,” Kevin said. “Shoulda sold my soul to the devil; it would have been easier.”

“Bachand?” Alejandro asked. “Had no idea. T-Flex never sounded like that.”

“Wasn't the music we liked...and don't get me wrong, I love those guys--” he tapped the tattoo again-- “but they couldn't hang with it. So what...is this gonna be the greatest band of all time, or not?”

The others turned to Samantha. They all knew this was her show.

“Put on a shirt, and we'll talk.”

11: Escape Route (Trapdoor)

Spencer Owens had almost finished loading the money when the alarms started sounding.

“Won't be long now,” he said to nobody in particular. He knelt down, put his hand to the floor, closed his eyes...and remembered.

“Mister Owens, keep your eyes on your work instead of the window.”

“If I can't get a full day of work out of you, then why the hell don't I fire you?”

“I know it's hard, honey, but I need you to try and get along with them.”

“Would you put that book down and listen to me?!”

“Owens! Where's the report on the Perkins account? I needed that two days ago!”

“To the dance? With you? Oh, you're so funny.”

“As you can see by the graph, quarterly earnings are up this year by 0.7%. That's good, but not quite...”

“I can't believe she said that! Can you imagine? Anyway, then we went to the High Wire for drinks and the next thing you know...”

“AIR-BALL, AIR-BALL, AIR-BALL, AIR-BALL...”

“You know the problem with these kids today? They don't appreciate anything, they're lazy, they're entitled...”

“Can anyone name the third stage of mitosis...Spencer? How about you?”

Spencer opened his eyes, and saw the field of blue energy that now took up a large portion of the floor. “Time to go,” he said, and jumped in.

10: Take One, Two, Three and Call Me in the Morning (Doctor Suplex)

(Translated from Spanish.)

“Help! Help! There has been an accident!”

A little girl in a yellow sun dress and a red mask ran down Avenida El Santo, shouting at the top of her lungs. Slowly, the citizens of Ciudad Máscara poked their heads out of their windows, to see what all the commotion was about.

“Oh my God! Look at that car!”

Down at the end of the block, a car had run up on the curb and hit a building. Pinned underneath was a young lady, blood staining her blonde hair and white mask. A small crowd had gathered around the car; some were attempting to move it, but were having no success.

“Perhaps I may be of assistance?”

Another masked individual arrived on the scene. Unlike the others who wore normal clothes apart from their masks, this man entered in full regalia: his mask, trunks, elbow pads, and boots were all the same shade of light blue; the only other covering he had was a white lab coat. He had a stethoscope around his neck, and a head mirror secured to his mask.

He strode up to the car, and addressed the trapped woman. “Don't worry, miss. We'll have you out of there in no time.” He grabbed each handle on the driver's side, planted his feet, and with a mighty roar, lifted the car into the air! He arched his back, dropping the car on its roof in the middle of the street. Other citizens grabbed the woman and took her to safety.

“Thank you, Médico!” the little girl said, and gave a big hug to the man's muscular leg.

He replied, “All in a day's work,” but his smile was only for show. Something was very unnerving about all this. For starters, the driver was nowhere to be seen...

He dared not say the name aloud, but he knew who was behind this. The fact that this accident happened to Dama Relámpago, sister of the disgraced and exiled Milagro...that was no accident.

09: Eight Second Ride (Hoss)

The service elevator doors opened, and four people walked into the hall. Three of them wore all black clothing and gloves, the standard uniform of a henchman. The last wore a pair of gray, grease-stained coveralls, identifying him as Milo Hewitt, a.k.a. the vehicle-obsessed villain, Joyride.

“Dunno how smart it is, breaking into the Cowboy Museum. It's only been open, what, three weeks?” one of the henchmen griped.

“Want to get to the top?” Milo asked, but did not wait for an answer. “Gotta start early. Let's roll—we got twenty minutes with no alarms.”

They made their way through the winding halls, past countless displays and statues, until they came upon their destination: a large, round room, with ropes surrounding the center.

“There she is, gang,” Milo said. “The piece-de-goddamn-resistance. If you're going to steal some wheels in this town, there's only one choice.”

Milo pointed past the ropes and the large signs reading “DO NOT TOUCH,” toward the item in the center—a one-of-a-kind motorcycle; a work of art in steel and chrome. For years, the Cowboy himself rode it into battle. His faithful steed, Hoss.

Each member of the group took up a position around the metallic beast. The moment Joyride stepped on the other side of the rope, he heard a low but fierce rumble.

“What was that?” a henchman asked.

“Imagination,” Hewitt whispered, and got closer.

They crept a few feet closer, and heard a much louder rumble. “I don't like this, man...”

“Don't bail out on me now,” Joyride whispered. “Too late to go back. It's now or never, and I pick...now!”

All four of them jumped toward the motorcycle, and it immediately roared to life. Within seconds, it was at top speed, tearing down the hallway.

“Let go of the throttle!”

“I'm not touching the throttle!”

“Then grab the brake!”

The criminals screamed as it spun around in another circular room, and one of them was sent flying. Joyride tried to assert control, but had no luck. He couldn't slow it down, or even steer it. Meanwhile, the other two goons lost their grip and tumbled away.

With a bit more room to maneuver, Joyride pulled himself into the seat. “Easy, girl,” he shouted, trying to hear himself over the roar of the engine. “Not gonna hurt you...”

Hoss gave off a strange noise. It couldn't have been what it sounded like, because everyone knows machines can't laugh.

Joyride tried everything he could imagine, but to no avail—Hoss was still going at top speed, and heading for a wall. He covered his face with his arms...and just then, the bike screeched to a halt, sending the villain sailing through the air.

He was still unconscious when the police arrived on the scene. Hoss, meanwhile, was back in its normal spot, snoring happily.

08: Objection! (Sheila Okabe)

The doors of the Fourth Precinct opened up, and a small parade came in—six police officers, a mariachi band in handcuffs, and Beacon City's own villain-turned-hero, Punchline.

“Morning, Sergeant Hamed!” Punchline called out, and waved at the desk sergeant.

“We're not friends,” William Hamed replied. “You personally knocked me out four times.”

“Don't be that way, Sarge. I brought you a present!” Punchline pointed at the freshly-arrested Murderachi.

“You brought me more paperwork, you mean.” Sergeant Hamed poked at the keyboard on his desk, bringing up the proper forms.

“Caught these goofs trying to shoot up a benefit breakfast. Good news, only one injury, and it's not life-threatening.”

Anna started shouting at Punchline in extremely broken Spanish. The hero responded by tearing off her fake mustache.

“You three aren't even Mexican. C'mon, guys. Cultural appropration is wrong.”

Without looking up, the desk sergeant added, “Also, murder.”

“Also murder. Good news is, with all the practice time you're about to get, you won't be committing any more crimes against music.”

“I don't think so!” a new voice shouted. All heads turned to see the face of Sheila Okabe, the famous defense lawyer. “This is a gross violation of my clients' rights as defined by the Ostrander Act!”

A collective groan went through the station. Only Punchline seemed glad to see her; after all, she'd kept him out of prison a few times with her legal prowess.

“Article 4, Section 12, Paragraph 3: law enforcement officials are not allowed to remove a suspect's mask at any time during their arrest, incarceration period, or in a court of law.” Sheila held up an accusatory finger at the strip of felt in Punchline's hand.

“But it's not a mask! It's a mustache!”

Okabe gave a grin—the same grin that saved Punchline's bacon many times, when he was on the other side of the law. “HA! United States vs. Yarborough clearly states that a mask is considered any and all clothing or costume items worn specifically during the perpetration or prevention of a super-crime.”

“You've got to be kidding me. Look, Sheila, can't you help me out for old time's sake?”

Sheila leaned in closer. “Sorry, doll,” she said. “You don't pay the bills anymore. I expect my clients to be released immediately.”

All three members of the Murderachi held out their cuffed hands expectantly. Punchline felt the glare of every cop in the room...in fact, he could have sworn more cops had rushed in, just to glare at him.

“Whoops.”

07: Unreasonable (Andrew Riesen)

Andrew Riesen nodded at his producer, who pushed a button on a console. “Next caller!” Andy said.

“Hello, Mr. Andrew. It's Tim.” The producer rolled his eyes and tried to dump the call, but Andrew waved him off.

“Ah, Mister--”

“NO LAST NAMES!”

“Of course. What's on your mind, Tim?” Andrew asked.

“I want to make sure the other real Americans know about the secret programs run by the government!”

Andrew nodded. “They sure do. You know, I'm sick and tired of Uncle Sam taking our hard earned money, just to give it to foreign interests and welfare freeloaders!”

“That's small potatoes, Andrew! I've got evidence linking NASA with Planned Parenthood!”

This time, Andrew had to stop himself from laughing on the air. “That doesn't surprise me. The conspiracies formed by these liberal sickos run deep.”

“You don't know the half of it! I've seen pictures! They're not performing abortions, and they're not decommissioning space shuttles! All this can only mean one thing!”

“What's that?”

“Don't you see? THEY'RE SHOOTING BABIES INTO SPACE!!”

“...”

That call prompted the longest stretch of dead air ever heard on the Voice of Riesen. The producer dropped the call and cued up the next commercial break.

At last, Andrew recovered. “We've got to take a break. Give us your thoughts on this, or anything else—the number is 555-TRUE. We'll be right back.”

As soon as the break began, the producer charged right into the booth. “Seriously, Andy. You gotta stop putting that guy on the air.”

Andrew shrugged. “He gets ratings, Tony. Hell, even people who hate me love it when that guy calls in.”

Tony swept a stack of papers off of Andrew's desk. “God dammit, Andy! You're better than this! You're better than acting like a barker for a bunch of sideshow freaks! You used to be one of the most respected guys in radio, and now this show is a joke!”

“Kid,” Andrew said, “you'll find out sooner or later that paying the bills is the only thing that matters. Causes are great and all, but they don't put food on the table.”

Tony looked crestfallen. “You used to be a fighter, man. You used to look for the truth. What happened to you?”

Andrew didn't say anything, but he definitely knew the answer.

What happened to looking for the truth?

I found it.

And if that truth ever got out, his lack of credibility was the only thing that might save Andrew Riesen's life.

06: Stuck With It (Mike Milligan)

Mike Milligan stood in the alley, looking at the building that held his target. “This is stupid,” he said to nobody. “I'm going to get arrested in five minutes.”

He removed his overcoat, and stood in the alley wearing only his new super-suit. It was specially tailored for his powers, with porous material on the fingertips and toes. It was surprisingly comfortable, too. All in all, it was perfect...except for the color. That couldn't be helped, though...he couldn't afford a new one, and anyway, it wasn't like the manufacturer had a return policy.

“Well...here goes nothin'.” Mike ran across the street and, after reaching the curb on the opposite side, jumped into the air. Just before hitting the wall, he put his hands and feet out in front of them...and the moment they made contact, they secreted an adhesive jelly, strong enough to hold him in place. Mike was now three or four feet up the wall, and started climbing toward a window.

He had almost gotten there when he found himself framed by a flashlight. “Stop right there!” someone said.

Mike tried to scramble for the window, but he was cut off by a gunshot. The bullet grazed his arm—not lethal, but enough to make him lose his grip. Milligan fell to the ground...and before he could recover, he found himself surrounded by police officers.

“Bet you feel pretty stupid now, huh?” one of the officers asked.

“No kiddin',” another chimed in. “What kind of idiot pulls a midnight robbery in a bright yellow suit?”

"Didn't have a choice," Mike grumbled, not that the cops were listening. They just loaded him into the car and drove off.

It took another fifteen minutes for the press to arrive at the scene of the crime. With Mike in the middle of being processed, they were left to their own devices on what to call this new supervillain.

Thus, the Yellow Stickie was born.

05: Dszquphsbn (Cryptogram)

Jason West struggled against his bonds as the knife drew closer to his face. He let out an ear-splitting yell when the blade pierced his skin.

“Qmfbtf epo'u tdsfbn, Njtufs Xftu,” the other man said. “Uijt jt gps zpvs pxo hppe.” The garbled speech only terrified Jason even more.

“Please...please don't do this...” he whimpered. The other man ran his fingers through the blood pouring from just under Jason's eye.

“J dbo'u voefstuboe zpv, tjs. Zpv'mm ibwf up tqfbl npsf dmfbsmz.”

Jason blinked the tears out of his face, and got a better look at the man who was torturing him. Most of his clothes were black, except for his all-white mask. It covered his face entirely, and its only marking was a blood-red letter “B.”

“Zpv bsf jo uif xspoh psefs. Zpv offe up cf gjyfe. Cvu gjstu...”

The masked man slowly scrawled on the wall, stopping occasionally to gather more of Jason's blood. When he finished, it looked like a seemingly random assortment of letters: LFMMZ RVJOMPO.

“What...what is that?”

The torturer cocked his head, like he couldn't understand what Jason had said...but from the tone, he managed to pick up the meaning.

“Uif ofyu sfdjqjfou pg nz cmfttjoh...boe uif ofyu lfz up vompdljoh uif dpef...”

04: And Good Night (Lullaby)

“Your terms are acceptable. Bring the papers to the office tomorrow, and we can finalize. Yes...yes, good day.”

Helen Kruger hung up the phone, marking the end of another successful deal. Three new Kruger hotels would be built in this city alone by the end of next year, and the first Kruger east of the Rocky Mountains would be ready the year after that. Since she took over from her father, Kruger Hotels had become the fastest-growing chain in the industry. Still, Helen had never been one to linger on past successes. Mere moments after closing the last deal, she checked her calendar so that she could work on the next one.

It was then that Helen heard a low, soft whistle of three notes. “What?” she said aloud, and looked around...but didn't see anyone in the room. “Hmm. Ears are playing tricks on me.”

Moments later, she heard the same three notes again. The tune seemed very familiar, but Helen couldn't quite place it. She was having a hard time focusing in general, in fact. She knew she should take another look, but couldn't quite muster the energy.

“Can't afford distractions,” she muttered to herself, and sipped coffee from the plain blue mug on her desk.

The whistling started again—the same volume and tempo, but this time with different notes. Helen could remember hearing her grandmother sing it at nights, in the original German.

“Morgen früh, wenn Gott will...” she followed along, but she had to stop and yawn. Her eyelids felt very heavy...

Maybe I have been pushing myself too hard lately, she thought. She made a note to book a vacation next month—maybe a tour of Europe?--and turned back to her work.

The song started up again. Helen had even more trouble keeping her eyes open. “Maybe just a quick nap,” she said. “Something to recharge my batteries.”

As the song continued, Helen Kruger slowly nodded off. Within a few minutes, she was sleeping soundly at her desk...so she never saw the long-haired woman drop from the ceiling.

And she never felt the sword plunge into her back.

03: Burning Down the House (Blowtorch)

Punchline caught the faintest glimpse of a closing door, and charged at it. He pushed it open, then skidded to a halt in a poorly-lit, mostly empty room. All he could hear was the sound of labored breathing.

He aimed his pistol at the darkness. “Give yourself up, Barkley. I know it was you that set those fires.”

“Looks like you've got me, 'hero.' But what are you going to do about...this?”

Punchline saw a spark in the air, and barely had time to roll away from the huge gout of flame that followed. He fired his pistol at the area where the flame had come from, but didn't hit anything.

I need to take this guy out in a hurry, Punchline thought. But I didn't see any kind of weapon on this guy; how's he doing this? Another jet of flame pierced the darkness, starting a smaller fire on the wall just behind Punchline.

“Ahh! You suck!”

“No...” Barkley replied. “But you're getting warmer.”

“Leave the jokes to me, Barkley!”

The fire provided just enough light that Punchline could see his opponent a few feet away. Barkley smiled and took a deep breath.

“You're not going to sing, are you?”

Barkley pursed his lips, like he was whistling, but no sound came out—just his breath, in a steady stream. As Barkley lifted his right hand up to his mouth, Punchline noticed something strange about the man's glove. There were pads sewn into the middle finger and thumb; what they were made of, Punchline wasn't sure.

He found out the moment Barkley snapped his fingers: flint and steel. A spark flew off Barkley's glove, and the air he had just exhaled suddenly burst into flames.

Punchline had another narrow escape, though his left arm was heavily singed. “I've heard of bad breath, but this is ridiculous!”

02: Patch Notes (Professor Reventlov)

Five minutes into the lecture, a student slinked into the back of the hall. He quickly found his friends and sat down by them.

“Dude!” one of them whispered. “Where have you been?”

“Needed a way to get out of this test,” the latecomer replied. “I had this guy for physics my freshman year; this'll be a piece of cake.” He opened his bag and started fishing something out.

“It better be; I didn't get a chance to study.”

“Keep your pants on...just give me two minutes.”

Meanwhile, Professor Reventlov was working at the chalkboard, with no idea what the student had planned. “...if it acts on a state, whatever the state happens to be at time: t-equals zero...then it will give you psi at time: t.”

The late student stood up, ready to spring his plan into action. “Professor?” he asked.

“Yes?” The teacher turned away from the chalkboard to address the speaker...only to find one of the students holding up a large piece of construction paper, with the words “IGNORE THIS SIGN” written on it.

Professor Reventlov scowled. “Very funny, Mr. Parsons, but that particular flaw was addressed over the summer. Give me any paradox you like; you still have a test to take.”

01: A Fistful of Justice (The Cowboy)

Bravos nearly jumped out of his shoes with excitement. Tonight was the night he officially joined the Coolidge Street Wolves. His two fellow gang members had spotted some likely targets—a young couple, walking the wrong street at the wrong time. Maybe they'd have a little money on them; maybe not. The Wolves weren't picky.

Bravos stepped out of the alley and pointed a gun at the victims. As he did so, the other Wolves sneaked around behind them, cutting off any escape. “Hand over your wallets. And the rings,” Bravos said.

The couple were paralyzed with fear, so Bravos pulled the hammer back on the gun. The young man stepped in front. “We'll do what you say. Just don't hurt us.” He quickly took his wallet out of his back pocket and set it on the ground.

Not that it mattered. There was a reason Bravos had the gun. He took careful aim a the young woman's head.

“We gave you what you want!” she shouted. “Please, just let us go!”

“Quit cryin',” the hoodlum said, squeezing the trigger. “Die like a--”

He never finished his sentence—or his initiation—as he was cut off by the sudden appearance of a loop of rope around his midsection. “What the--”

Suddenly he was yanked through the air, landing against a brick wall hard enough to leave a dent. His cohorts turned, only to find another man charging at them. He was a wall of muscle in a t-shirt and jeans, his face obscured by a white Stetson and a red bandana.

The second thug had barely drawn his gun when he was leveled by a massive clothesline. The third criminal swung her baseball bat at the stranger. The weapon slammed into the man's shoulder, but all it did was make him turn around and look annoyed.

“Shouldn't oughtta done that,” he said, before grabbing her shirt and throwing her across the street, on where she landed on top of her partner in crime.

The mysterious stranger grabbed the thug at his feet and dragged him over to the others. He quickly tied them all together, using the rope still wrapped around the first one. Once the criminals were secured, he gave a sharp whistle, and a nearby motor roared to life.

The man in the hat nodded at the couple. “Y'all get home safe now. Make sure to tell the police what these punks did.”

Just then, a motorcycle raced around the corner...seemingly by itself. The stranger whistled again, and it came to a stop in front of him. He hopped on, tipped his hat at the young couple, and rode off into the night.

Those two people weren't sure what to tell the police, or the press, at first. Over the years, they told the story a thousand times or more. They were the first...the first victims rescued, the first witnesses to a new dawn of heroism, and the first to ask...

“Who was that masked man?”

Book List: November/December 2014

17. American Gods by Neil Gaiman
18. Anansi Boys by Neil Gaiman

Prior to these, the only Gaiman I'd really read were one Sandman story and Good Omens, which he co-wrote with Terry Pratchett. Between those and the high praise I'd heard from others, I knew I was in for some good reading.

And boy, was I. There is so much going on in these books, and all of it great--comedy, darkness, folklore, and just generally kick-ass writing. I doubt there's anything I could say that you haven't already heard about Gaiman...unless nobody has told you to read him. In which case, do that. I don't know if I'd put him as high on the "READ NOW" list as Bradbury, but he's on there.

This was the last of three B&N hardcovers I got for my birthday last year. Now I just have to read the ones I picked up for my birthday this year.


19. The Disappearing Spoon by Sam Kean

"Here's a book of stories about various elements and the periodic table!" I know, you're excited too. It actually was pretty interesting, as many elements have interesting histories, both in their discovery and the things they were used for. (South Dakota's own!) Sam Kean does a good job of taking these stories and making them fun to read.

After finishing this, I was only down to one more book that my sister gave me. I'm about a hundred pages or so into that one as of this writing.


20. The Time Machine by H.G. Wells
21. The Island of Doctor Moreau by H.G. Wells
22. The Invisible Man by H.G. Wells

Back to the B&N hardcovers! This one has seven Wells stories--two I was familiar with but had never read, two I hadn't read since middle school, and three I'd never heard of. I haven't made it very far into the book...not sure if it's not holding my interest, or I'm just not in a reading mood.

I was fairly familiar with The Time Machine, as I watched part of a movie version once. Turns out they added quite a bit to pad out the plot, because the story is really short. Still, it's a good sci-fi tale, and the epilogue has some sappy hopefulness that I enjoy.

Wasn't quite as enamored with the Island of Doctor Moreau. The premise is interesting, but there just doesn't seem to be a whole lot to it. I guess it's relying on the reader being horrified by Moreau's crimes against nature...but man, I've got the internet. I see a dozen more disturbing things before I finish my coffee. It probably helps to look at it in comparison to other pieces from the time.

The Invisible Man holds up better. It helps that, unlike the first two, it's mostly told as a standard written story rather than a flashback; the first two read like someone's long-winded story of their vacation to Fucking Crazyland. There is an extended "this is how it all happened to me" part, and things kind of slow down...but as Diana Rigg once said, "It's plot exposition; it has to go somewhere."

Book List: July-Oct 2014

15. Never Unprepared: The Complete Game Master's Guide to Session Prep by Phil Vecchione

My friend Steve told me about this one, as I'd been looking to run an RPG came/campaign for a while. A lot of it is just sort of general overview on how to be more prepared, but later in the book there's a few concrete details and methods on how to set up your game.

I did not use any of these, of course, and I think my players can attest to that. But in case I ever want to actually prepare, I know where to find information on that sort of thing.

16. River of Doubt by Candice Millard

One of my few forays into non-fiction, River of Doubt details Teddy Roosevelt's exploration of an uncharted river in the Amazon. It took me a while to get through it, as I got into one of my "not in the mood to read" moods for a while. When I was able to stay focused on it, I was treated to a fascinating struggle of man vs. nature, and often times man vs. man. Almost everything that could go wrong did, and yet somehow the majority of the expedition managed to survive (though not without cost, as the injuries and infections Roosevelt acquired led to his death a few years later.)

Some of the most interesting moments came when the book switched to the perspective of the Cinta Larga tribe, who inhabited the region. It was revealed later in the book that the expedition was such a momentous event that it became part of their oral history.

(This book was a Christmas gift from my aunt, who specializes in awesome Christmas gifts.)

30: Accounts Closed (Donovan Price)

Donovan went to the wall and stopped in front of the portrait of his great-grandfather, Archibald Price. He carefully took it down, revealing a hidden safe with a small camera. He held still until the camera finished scanning his iris, and the safe popped open.

He reached inside and removed a very large, very old ledger, and set it on his desk. Donovan carefully leafed through it, taking note of all the items that had been struck out with red lines. At long last, he came to a page with an unmarked item. “Xian Street Shelter Fire,” it read.

Donovan turned back to his computer screen and checked the spreadsheet. Eventually he found a listing for “Father Xian Missions,” with an outstanding balance of $472.59--well under this month's donation, he thought. He took a red pen from his desk and carefully struck through the corresponding line on the ledger.

He flipped through a few more pages, but didn't find any more unmarked items before coming across a thick, black line that divided a page horizontally. The last listed item before that line was in 1942, the year of Archibald Price's death.

Price touched a button on his desk phone. “Sandra?” he said, not waiting for an answer. “Phase out the donation to the Father Xian Missions, and keep it quiet. Start one up in the same amount for the Educational Renovation Project.” He pressed the button again to hang up, then returned the ledger to its place in the safe.

Once the safe closed, he did not return the portrait of his great-grandfather to its original place. Instead Donovan carried it to a closet, where he switched it with another, somewhat more recent portrait in a thick frame. This one he hung on the wall over the safe, and he found himself staring into the iron-gray eyes of his grandmother, Virginia Price.

Donovan sighed as he stared at her. She seemed more domineering in the portrait than she had in life, if such a thing was possible. Her hard face would be keeping watch over the office for a long time.

After her, there were still three more portraits in that closet. If he lived long enough, he could pay for all their sins.

Then he would have to find a way to pay for his own...

29: Shining a Light (Donegan Lighthouse)

DONEGAN LIGHTHOUSE

Built in 1855, the Donegan Lighthouse has been a key point in Northern California coastal navigation. In 1856, its warnings saved two ships from disaster during a storm, and summoned the townspeople to provide aid for a third that was unable to avoid the rocks. No lives were lost, and the event fostered a sense of unity among the original Chinese and Irish settlers.

Today, it is one of only two manned lighthouses in the nation.

California Registered Historical Landmark No. 121

Plaque placed by the State Department of Parks and Recreation in cooperation with the Price County Historical Society, August 20, 1976.

Arthur Donegan frowned a little whenever he walked past that plaque. He knew he should be proud of it, but there were three things that always bothered him.

First, it really should be a national landmark by now.

Second, there was no mention of his ancestor Brian Donegan, who built the lighthouse and operated it for thirty years.

Third was the glaring factual error. Yes, there had been a terrible storm; yes, two of the three ships were saved by his great-great-great-grandfather's actions; yes, he was also able to summon the others to provide aid to the third ship's victims.

In 1853. Two years before the lighthouse was built.

28: Cry For Help (Dr. Walter Hausfeld)

Dr. Walter Hausfeld scratched a few words onto his notepad. October 12, afternoon session. Carlisle, Dwight. He looked up at his patient, a scowling thirty-year-old man in prison grays, seated in a folding chair. For some reason, Dwight refused to even sit on the couch.

“Dwight, I'd like to start with--” he began, before Carlisle interrupted.

“It's Loudmouth.”

“...of course. Loudmouth, I'd like to start with a question. Why are you so angry?”

“I dunno. Probably because you're such a dipshit.”

Dr. Hausfeld sighed. His sessions with Carlisle were always difficult—Dwight tended to start with insults, and then stay there. Worse was that he seemed to do it reflexively, as if he didn't need to think about it at all. The doctor once asked Dwight about his preference for abuse over conversation, and Dwight told him to “take the train to Fuck You Junction.”

“I want you to listen to something.” Dr. Hausfeld pulled up an audio file on his computer. “I trust you're familiar with Signora Soprano?”

“Yeah, I watch the news.”

“Recently, someone was able to record her sonic cry in action without completely destroying their equipment. With careful editing, they managed to filter out its destructive qualities, as well as reducing the volume and pitch to something the human ear can handle.” From the corner of his eye, he could see Loudmouth making the “jerk off” hand gesture. “Anyway,” he said, “let's take a listen.”

The doctor played the clip, which was a female voice hitting a high C note and holding it for almost a minute. While there were slight vibrato flourishes, it was otherwise pitch perfect. Dr. Hausfeld, being a fan of the opera, had to wipe away a tear, and even Loudmouth was impressed (though of course he'd never say so.)

“Impressive, no? Now, here's another recording.” He pulled up a second file and played it.

The difference was like night and day. This new voice was guttural, jagged, and ugly in every sense. The pitch fluctuated wildly, completely out of control, and even though it was nowhere near the edges of vocal range, it was still painful to listen to.

Whereas the first voice was singing...this one was screaming.

“What the fuck was that?” Loudmouth asked.

“That,” the doctor replied, “was you.”

Loudmouth sat back down in his chair, a look of shock on his face. Walter Hausfeld leaned forward over his desk, his fingers steepled.

“So I'll ask you again, Mr. Carlisle. Why are you so angry?”

27: Man Down (Jane Haddix)

Jane Haddix stood up from her desk and looked through the glass door of her office. She saw a sea of blue uniforms—far more than usual, and probably more than were on duty—clustered around a television set.

She silently opened the door and found a place where she could observe. The other officers were watching a news broadcast.

“The dust is starting to clear,” the reporter said. “It looks like—yes! It's down! The monstrosity is down!”

A cheer went through the station house; every voice in the room contributing...except one. Haddix was too busy thinking about what it was like before the Cowboy showed up. Back when the police were expected to handle everything...and they could. When the biggest threats were the gangs...and the Poolhall Gang hadn't started using powers yet.

“I can't see the Cowboy yet, but it does all our hearts good to know that he has stepped up once again when the city needed him...”

Not that you asked us for help, Haddix thought. To be fair, maybe a twenty-foot-tall alien monster wasn't the best test of the police force. But it was also the kind of thing they wouldn't have to deal with if this were a normal city. Normal cities also didn't have people like Hooligan or Clockwise or the Black Hats...

She knew she wasn't being fair, but it wasn't a fair situation. In her time as chief of police, Haddix had seen the BCPD go from one of the best in the country to obsolete and complacent. They were still highly trained, but they hadn't had a real test in years. They just expected the hick in the stupid hat to do everything for them.

“Hold on, I'm just getting word that...oh...oh, no...Tracy, can you get a shot of this?” The news camera focused on some EMTs picking through the rubble, and a man lying on the ground. What energy there had been in the room quickly vanished.

“Early reports state tell us that the Cowboy is seriously injured, bleeding heavily, and may not--” The reporter's voice cracked. “I'm sorry. I'm sorry, ladies and gentlemen, it's just...please, not this...”

Jane Haddix looked around the station house, and saw disbelief and despair on the faces of her fellow officers. One of the rookies looked like he was about to cry.

“What does this mean?” one of them whispered. Finally, Haddix spoke up.

“It means you're going to have to learn how to be cops again,” she said dryly. “Get back to work.”

26: Walk Through (Inside Man)

“Make a shot, dammit!” Larry Green yelled at the screen--the only one in the room not related to his job. “If the Yellowjackets cost me money again...”

Aaron McReynolds glanced at the clock. “It's seven. Time to make the rounds.”

“Is it?” Larry looked up from the basketball game. “Shit. Game'll be over by the time we get back.”

Aaron shrugged. “Last set was quiet. Why don't I just go solo?”

Larry raised an eyebrow. Aaron never offered to do that—usually, it was Larry who had to do it by himself. But he wasn't about to pass this up. “Knock yourself out, man.”

Aaron left the security room, making sure he had his badge, flashlight, and radio handy. Then, he headed straight to the elevator.

---

On the third floor, Amanda Friedman rubbed her eyes and walked to her office. She was almost there when a voice called to her.

“Burning the midnight oil again, Friedman?” It was Bill Jorgenson, from accounting. He was leaning against the doorway across the hall.

“Something like that,” Amanda called back. “How about you?”

“Money never sleeps,” he replied.

“Neither does our boss, it seems.”

“Maybe if you didn't spend so much time hitting on that redhead in Sales, you'd get your work done by five.”

Amanda smiled. “Maybe. But then I wouldn't be taking her for drinks on Friday.”

“Touché,” Bill said, and saluted her with his coffee mug. “Have a good one.”

“You too,” Amanda tapped her badge against the security panel on her office door. Once inside, she turned on her computer and plugged a flash drive into a USB port.

She left the room, and saw that Bill was still there. “Done already?” he asked.

“Just forgot something in the car.” She went back to the elevator.

---

On the fifth floor, Jacob Cassuto poked at his tablet as he entered the server room. He came across one of his coworkers, who was napping. “Dude, it's, like...after seven.”

Jim Cooper snorted and woke up. “Wha?”

“Go home, man.”

“Can't. Wife kicked me out again. Why are you here?”

Jacob shook his head. “One of the suits downstairs is having some kind of connection problem.”

“Just download Adobe Reader. That's what I always do.”

“I think they're onto us with that one, man. Anyway, I can fix it. Shouldn't take long.”

Jacob plugged his tablet into a server and did some tapping and swiping. After about ten minutes, he was done.

“Got it. See you later, Jim. Get a hotel...and a shower.”

“Mrff,” Jim said as he rolled over. Jacob shook his head and walked away.

---

A man left the elevator and walked into the parking garage, smiling at a job well done. The information he acquired would command a large paycheck. Sure, the company might find out that Aaron, Amanda, and Jacob were part of the theft, but that didn't matter.

They didn't really exist.

25: Get Along, Go Along (Lester Malloy)

Lester Malloy was just finishing up the day's paperwork when he heard a knock on the door. “Open,” he said, not looking up.

The door opened, and a guard named Sharon Brennan stepped into the room. She was out of uniform—she'd just finished her shift and was almost ready to head home when she got the call. “You wanted to see me, sir?”

“Yeah.” Malloy signed a document, and stood up. “Working D Block tomorrow night, right?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Need you to do something for me. Know how, when the cells close at lights out, there's warning lights for any that don't lock?”

“...yeah?”

“If one goes of for Hiram Jenkins tomorrow night, just ignore it.”

Brennan couldn't believe what she was hearing. “Ignore it, sir?”

“What I said.”

“For Buckshot?”

“Payment came through today. Oh—make sure you got your armor on, just in case he wants to make a show. Blasts'll still sting a bit, but won't do real damage.”

“But sir, this is...”

Malloy held up a hand, then grabbed a brown envelope from his desk and handed it to her. “Your share. Oughtta help with your dad's cancer treatment.”

Brennan reeled a little, overwhelmed by what was happening. “Why me? What about the others on the shift?”

“Already taken care of. You're a new transfer, so I'm handling this one personally—after this, you'll get paid with the rest of 'em.”

Sharon Brennan fell silent. She couldn't believe what she was hearing, and just looking at the warden was starting to make her angry.

“Don't look at me like that,” Malloy snapped. “Last guy had my job is still in the hospital, 'cause he didn't want to play ball.”

The guard cast her eyes down at her feet. She clearly didn't care for his answer...but she also knew that she needed her job. And the bills were piling up...

“Learn to pick your battles, Brennan. Being a martyr doesn't pay for shit.”