Sunday, November 16, 2014

16: Sweet Nothings (Professor Phineas Widmark)

Phineas Widmark stood just inside the entrance of Professor Widmark's Confectionery Emporium, just as he had every day for the last ten years. As security opened the doors, he raised his arms to greet the people waiting outside.

“Here's the secret of my success! Hellooo, children!” he shouted in his best Ed Wynn voice, as kids poured into store, their parents in tow. They scattered around the store, and the Professor would approach them at random, performing a merry jig and addressing the customers.

“Hello, youngster. Going after the Silly Beans, I see.”

A little boy nodded. “I like the green ones best!”

“The orange flavor? I like them too...of course, I like them all.”

“Which is your favorite, perfessor?”

Widmark made a show of thinking hard about such a difficult question. “I want to say tan is the greatest—you think it might be cream soda, but it turns out to be cherry!”

He gave a goofy wave, and then walked over to a group of kids who had clustered around the display of Professor Widmark's Tippy-Top Tasting Yummerific Bars.

“Excellent choice, boys and girls! I love the Devil's Food ones, personally...but don't miss out on our new flavors this year! There's Triple-Chocolate Butterscotch Bonanza, Caramel Almond Explosion—careful of that one if you have any nut allergies—and Super Duper Marshmallow Surprise!”

The kids oohed and aahed over the new additions to the Yummerific lineup, allowing Widmark to sneak over to the Soda Shoppe Drops display. They were creamy candies that tasted just like an ice cream sundae—a new item, barely tested, but the smiling faces by the free samples told him that it would be another successful item.

It would be a good day. Plenty of candy sold, plenty of happy children, and three public tributes to the Dark Lord, satisfying his contract for another year.

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